Cheesy Comestibles!

Credit to Problems with HTTP AUthentication


Customer walks in the Federated Identity shop and walks past the blogger.

Customer: Good Morning.

Venda: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the Identity Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Venda: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, pondering my IM infrastructure, and I suddenly came over all 'centralized'.

Venda: Centralized, sir?

Customer: Siloed.

Venda: Eh?'

Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor loggin-in me own y'users!

Venda: Ah, passwords!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little federated identity will do the trick," so, I curtailed my activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some identity!

Venda: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some federated identity.

Venda: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the blogging!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of user-centric expression !

Venda: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice post, 'yer forced too!

Venda: So he can go on blogging, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some federated id please, my good man.

Venda: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little Passport.

Venda: Afraid we don't get much call for it any more.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on DigitalMe?

Venda: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of DigitalMe, sir.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, a parcel of Infocard, if you please.

Venda: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two years. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, SXIP?

Venda: Of course.

Customer: Ahh excellent. Some SXIP please.

Venda: Oh sorry, sir. I thought you were telling me to skip that one.

Customer: Very well, ID-WSF?

Venda: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Digital IDs?

Venda: Sorry, problem with the ingredients.

Customer: LID? OpenID?

Venda: Only in very small quantities.

Customer: WS-Trust, perhaps?

Venda: Ah! We have WS-Trust, yessir.

Customer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

Venda: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit unspecifed...

Customer: Oh, I like it unspecifed.

Venda: Well,.. It's very unspecifed, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the WS-Trust! Mmmwah!

Venda: I...think it's a bit more unspecifed than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fucking unspecifed it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Venda: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Venda: It's been submitted to a standards body.

Customer: (pause) Has it.

Venda: Yes, sir.

(pause)

Customer: And this means?

Venda: Two years delay.

Customer: You...do *have* some identity, don't you?

Venda: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's an identity shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Venda: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Passel.

Venda: Just identity here sir.

Customer: Anything vaguely user-centric?

Venda: Uh, not as such.

Customer: XDI?

Venda: no

Customer: XRI?

Venda: Same thing sir.

Customer: YADIS?

Venda: Not *today*, sir, no.

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about SAML?

Venda: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca--It's the single most popular identity system in the world!

Venda: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: {pause}and what IS the most popular identity system 'round hyah?

Venda: 'DIX, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Venda: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Venda: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'DIX, eh?

Venda: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Venda: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. Must have been some trouble at the factory.

Customer: It's not much of a federated identity shop, is it?

Venda: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Venda: Well, it's very interoperable, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncomplicated by protocols....

Venda: (brightly) You haven't asked me about the metasystem, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Venda: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BLOGGING OFF!

Venda: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got anything for the metasystem?

Venda: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

Venda: Yessir?

Customer: Have you in fact got any federated identity here at all that will simplify my user management burden and enable easier partner integration.

Venda: Yes,sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause) Venda: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Venda: Nosir. Not a scrap. I'm just trying to maintain market position.

Customer: Well I guess it's back to passwords for me then.

Venda: Probably best sir.